Friday, October 24, 2014

Settling In

Just this last week a couple of you stepped forward to invite me back to this place.  Thank You!

My heart had already started to sense a stirring that perhaps, indeed, it was time to return.  Funny how in the depths of one's being, there is a draw to certain things.  And for reasons not always known, that thing gets set aside from time to time.

These last months have found me being challenged not only in my heart and thinking, but in actions and steps of obedience, with some of the greatest risk and crisis of belief that I have experienced to this point.

It used to be I could see glimpses into my tomorrow's (or so I thought.)  Now, not so much.  It used to be I could tell you who I was (or what I thought my purpose was).  I'm now discovering with these new steps that even that is being stripped away and I am left doing some deep soul searching, seeking, and placing myself at His feet...



In this place of new discoveries and learning, one thing I have recognized is that I write.  It fulfills something deep inside that can't be replaced. Words to a paper.  Processing through letters placed together to form thoughts, and questions, and revelations... and just plain ol' rambling thrown in now and then for good measure.

From as far back as I can remember there have been a couple of things that have been a part of my life.  Activities, dreams, hopes... writing has been one of those things.

And in my discoveries of moving forward with who I was created to be in the depths of my being... I find perhaps it is a season to once again put my "pen" to the "paper". I believe it is part of who He created me to be.  If for no one else but myself, if for no other reason than to do what I have found is part of me.

And so once again I find myself in this small quiet corner of the world...

If you are still here... Thank You for being with me in the wait!  The kettle's on.  The throws are out.  The fire's going.  Make yourself at home and settle in.  I would gladly welcome your presence and conversation as I continue forward on this journey that He has me on. 

I'm continually learning to take just one step, one mile, at a time...


Friday, April 11, 2014

Who Am I Kidding... A New Normal?

When I close my eyes I envision:
~ set schedules
~ planned agendas
~ words to write
~ times to post
~ things we can share

Oh how often I have come here to this place vowing to do just that.  And intentions start good.  But it doesn't take but a few weeks, and sometimes days or even moments, when life once again takes over.  As much as I'd like to promise and even complete those things, other things find themselves rising to the top of my lists.  Things like...

~ our oldest making college decisions and leaving home in just 3-4 short months (be still my mommy heart)
~ continuing to navigate the growing and learning and needs of our other two and all that encompasses their days
~ doors being opened to pour out of our lives into those of others
~ and realizing that some days 4 hours spent over a cup of coffee with a single mom speaking life and encouragement into her soul is the best use of my time in that moment
~ or accompanying my husband to the auto parts store and then to the home of a single woman who has no money to fix her car or have it fixed.  Yes, another chunk of my time gone, but better spent no other way.

And then I close my eyes and envision:
~ set schedules
~ planned agendas
~ words to write
~ times to post
~ things we can share 

Who am I kidding?

As much as I remember the days that allowed me to spend more time here, those days were yesterday and today is a new day.  As much as I'd like to spend more time here, that time finds itself wrapped around my children, my husband, those God is placing in my path who just need a little lovin' on for His sake.

Now, don't get me wrong!  I still close my eyes and dream of quiet moments spent here to get the thoughts that constantly whir through my brain into some formalized and thought out pattern on a page.

And they will come!

However, what I am learning is that I can't promise when that will be.  Or how often that will be.  Much as my heart would love to do that, my reality is causing choices to be made, and life finds me in the midst of change...


I am finding that consistency and sameness can be promised to nothing and no one.  I dream of returning to some sense of normalcy.

But then I realize that the more I pray for God to teach me how to love Him and others and to use me to be "dangerous" for Him and His Kingdom, the farther away I get from my plans, and my routines, and my schedules, and my agenda... my sense of normalcy. 

And somehow, I am becoming more and more at ease with that...

And maybe, just maybe, that is becoming my new normalBeing comfortable in His agenda, and all the bends, curves, and changes that His path includes.  Not knowing what my next step will look like.  Just having the faith and courage to push forward and take it...


Saturday, March 29, 2014

Darkness Praise #11: Part the Waters/ I Need Thee

We're almost to the end of my Darkness Praise playlist.  Have you discovered any new songs or encouragement as I have?

You can read about my Darkness Praise series here.

Part the Waters Lord/ I Need Thee by Selah

When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord
When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea
When I cry for help, oh, hear me Lord

And hold out Your hand
Touch my life
Still the raging storm in me

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford

I need Thee, O I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide, or life is vain


O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord


Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Darkness Praise #10: Sweet Jesus

I apologize for the delay in getting this installment of this series posted!  It was on schedule to be posted last week, but I have been ill and found that I quickly resorted to "survival" mode, doing only those items that were absolutely required.   

What an appropriate reminder for that type of a week...
Sweet Jesus... 
My Faithful Friend... 

You can read about my Darkness Praise series here.

Sweet Jesus by Selah

Sweet Jesus, my Savior;  You are my faithful friend
You made me, You know me;  And You see my every sin
And my soul is amazed;  By this gift of Your grace
And these arms that take me in
Sweet Jesus, my Savior;  You are my faithful friend

Sweet Jesus, my shelter;  You are my faithful friend
The refuge that I run to;  When my world comes closing in
Why should I be afraid;  When I know I am saved
By the arms that take me in
Sweet Jesus, my shelter;  You are my faithful friend

Sweet Jesus, my shepherd;  You are my faithful friend
You hold me, You lead me;  I'll follow till the end
And once more I will say;  On that beautiful day
When Your arms take me in
Sweet Jesus, my shepherd;  You are my faithful friend
Sweet Jesus, my Savior;  You are my faithful friend

Sunday, March 09, 2014

Darkness Praise #9: This Day

This day
 A gift

You can read about my Darkness Praise series here.

This Day by Point of Grace

This day is fragile - soon it will end
And once it has vanished, it will not come again
So let us love with a love pure and strong
Before this day is gone

This day is fleeting when it slips away
Not all our money can buy back this day
So let us pray that we might be a friend
Before this day is spent

This day we're given is golden
Let us show love
This day is ours for one moment
Let us sow love

This day is frail - it will pass by
So before it's too late to recapture the time
Let us share love, let us share God
Before this day is gone
Before this day is gone


Saturday, March 01, 2014

Darkness Praise #8: Ps. 139

 He is such a personal God and Father.  Oh, so very personal.  



You can read about my Darkness Praise series here.

Ps. 139 by Rebecca St. James

You search me, You know me
You see my every move
There's nothing I could ever do
To hide myself from You

You know my thoughts, My fears and hurts
My weaknesses and pride
You know what I am going through
And how I feel inside

But even though You know
You will always love me
Even though You know
You'll never let me go

I don't deserve Your love
But you give it freely
You will always love me
Even though You know

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Accompany? Or Lead?

I had started a practice as I would drive to work each morning.  I would envision Jesus sitting next to me in the passenger seat.  As I was driving, I would pray about the day ahead and ask him to come along and join me.

One morning things distinctly changed.

I was on my way to work.  I envisioned His place next to me.  But it became clear to me that I was approaching it all wrong.

When asking Him to join me in my day, it was still leaving the plans and all it encompassed... about me.

This particular day, my request changed.

Instead of asking Him to join me, I asked Him to lead me.

I began to envision the plans that He might have for that day.  I asked for a sensitive spirit to be aware to what plans He had, and what direction He wanted and needed to take each moment.

No longer is my request that He accompanies me, but rather that He would lead me.

My prayer is a request to join Him!

(Note:  I intended to post this yesterday.  However, a phone call first thing in the morning completely re-arranged my schedule.  Nothing like a prayer (such as I posted about above) being answered so clearly and waiting for my action.)

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Darkness Praise #7: Blessings

I first heard this song about the same time that the challenge came to my heart that totally revolutionized and changed the way that I pray.   (Click here to read what that was)

And you can read about my Darkness Praise series here.

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe


When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise


Saturday, February 15, 2014

Darkness Praise #6: Grace

His Grace:  I'm everything with Him...
And all I want is all of You. Your grace...

Read about my Darkness Praise series here

Grace by Michael W. Smith

I was lost when you found me here 
You pulled me close and held me near 
And I'm a fool but still you love 
I'll be a fool for the king of love 

He gave me wings so I could fly 
And gave me a song to color the sky 
And all I have is all from you 
And all I want is all of You

It's grace, grace I'm nothing without you   
Grace, your grace shines on me

And there've been days when I've walked away 
Too much to carry nothing left to say 
Forgive me Lord when I'm weak and lost 
You traded heaven for a wooden cross 

And all these years you've carried me 
You've been my eyes when I could not see 
And beauty grows in the driving rain 
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain 


Your grace, your grace I'm nothing without you 
Grace, your grace Shines on me 

Shines on me, Shines on me
I'm everything with you

Your grace


Thursday, February 06, 2014

Darkness Praise #5: Heal the Wound

Have you ever been around someone that had a scar that they wanted to show you?  But it wasn't just that they wanted you to see the scar, they had a story they wanted to tell that accompanied that scar.

Scars tell stories, don't they?

Stories of:  Pain.  Hurt.  Bleeding.

Stories of:  Overcoming.  Healing.

That transformation from wound to scar takes time.  And I sometimes wonder if that isn't often the hardest part?...

Read about my Darkness Praise series here

Heal the Wound by Point of Grace

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The places that You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free


Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem


Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering


Leave the scar